i know better than to expect anything
what am i even waiting around for

but the next girl will get everything i ever needed and more, without even asking.

that's just how the story goes.

is it my fault that i've allowed someone to get away with treating me like this for so long now, that it became justifiable and acceptable until i finally burst?
is it my fault that i've tried to shield my sensitivity and dodge such crippling bullets that hit straight through my heart every time?
is it my fault that i've waited around all this time, hoping for some change in character?
is it my fault that i fooled myself into thinking that someone's love and care is worth all the pain from their inability to show it?
is it my fault that i've looked past the lack of any genuine, thoughtful, worthy apology, time after time?

i go back and forth.
but why should i bear the brunt of someone else's weaknesses?

i can silence myself. i can pretend certain things don't hurt me when they actually do. i can try to avoid the parts of someone that hurt me.
but not without sacrificing my autonomy, my valid feelings, my self-worth.

it's the little things that have accumulated into something that i can no longer endure. you can try to pick apart particular incidents. but it's the cumulative effect. there's no way you can negate that without completely invalidating my feelings. and i'm not here for that anymore.

i can keep making excuses to settle, but why should i?
i know what i want. i've known. why would i deserve anything less?

one of the most trying times in my life
and instead of lifting my spirits, you try to bring them down even more

i'm so devastated

it's really just me myself and i

it's me
of course it's me

now i know why they say you need to learn to love yourself before you try to love others
if you can't accept yourself for all that you are, how can you do that for anyone else
how did i fool myself into thinking i could, for so long now

i'm as hard on everyone as i am on myself
that's why everything has been so damn difficult

love shouldn't be this hard
i'm just not ready for it

Crying Praying so hard
That I can be grounded and guided

who am i anymore, always settling for less than what i know i want

You deserve someone who would move mountains for you
And never lets you forget it

All I get is disappointment

i'm actually so freaking sick of everything

You really want to keep record and attribute everything to the time of month?
Sure, just know it's precisely 4 weeks - 28 days - apart

Lol
Bullshit

When you're so desperate for consolation that 2 or 3 incidents, out of 10 or more, is enough to amount to some significant correlation/causation
Make sure you come up with some explanation for all those posts in between!
You're also only fooling yourself if you think this blog comprehensively documents all the shit I've endured

That's a good one

but also, never apologize for the person you are just because people will always feel the need to find (and point out quite explicitly) imperfections

if someone is refusing to let you forget your flaws, let it question their character rather than your own
if they can't accept you for all that you are, taking into account that you are fucking trying to be better, then why do they deserve to stick around to see any of the good that you try to do and be
maybe they're not who you were wishing they could be.