Beautiful

For the longest time, my insecurities were bred to the point where I needed constant and consistent validation
I remember using this to evaluate against the quality of a relationship, the quality of a love
I remember comparing cards from earlier times which always included things like "you're the most beautiful girl in the world" to times that I no longer received that kind of affirmation. And I saw this as a decline in love of some sort. It bothered me that to the person, there was no longer anything worthy of mentioning any variation of beauty.
This was something I deeply internalized and never made known, but I think it did to some degree worsen my insecurities.

Society has taught me that, especially as a woman, I should aim to be beautiful. That beautiful comes from the validation of others and their standards.
And so I comply.
Yet, I honestly cannot recall the last time I have been called beautiful, by someone whose validation and affirmation matter.
Still I have felt love throughout this time. It's still a work in progress, but to not receive that kind of affirmation does not take the toll on me that it once did. It wouldn't not be nice to receive it, but I can let that be a pleasant surprise instead of having the lack of it be a constant disappointment.
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and the beholder may or may not be in tune with my need for any sort of validation. And I'm learning to be okay with that.