do you ever just feel so
idk

like literally you don't know
about anything anymore

see think n feel too much for my own good

Let me talk about my mom. I've been critically ill for the past 5 days now and I know it's taken a huge toll on my mom too. She wakes up with me every 4 hours throughout the night to help me get some food and take medicine. She gets up practically hourly to check on my temperature. She has to constantly cook and think of things I can actually consume because my appetite sucks right now. Nobody can love me quite like she does. It's unbelievable to me how this woman has gone through all that she has and still has this selflessness in her. She doesn't care so much about luxuries for herself but always tries to make sure I have all I need and that I'll be able to enjoy a luxurious life in the future. She essentially gives up an annual five-figure dollar amount to stay home and tend to me and my brother and make sure that we don't end up in the wrong crowd or go down the wrong path. I'm not gonna lie, during my (many) years of teenage angst, my parents came across to me as overprotective, oppressive, and impossible to satisfy. Looking back now, I should've appreciated their discipline rather than let it frustrate me, because I don't know if I'd be half the person I am today without it. My mom always tried to remind me that friendships are..fickle. And of course, family is forever. You can suddenly love someone you never thought you would, and you can also hate someone you never thought you would. Momma's always right. And it seriously took me all of high school to realize that people talk. A lot, the annoying ones. I don't think anybody can deny saying something bad about someone they claim to be close to. And people can congratulate you to your face but behind your back they could try to undermine your worthiness of an achievement and even wish it was them instead. I'm just trying to be real rn about people and what I observed in high school, cause honestly if I could've just accepted that people will be people, I would've given a lot less craps about what people thought of me and how I could maintain friendships that were clearly fake af. Would've spent more time learning to love myself than let stupid people convince me what not to love about myself. This got off topic and quite deep but family is all you got for certain for always and I have never been more grateful for mine #toomanymeds #drugsmakingmeemo

what does it feel like

to have someone make you their entire world and show that to their actual world
to have someone remind you they love you without you asking, without it being the routinely time of the day for saying it
to have someone just spontaneously do or say something nice because they know it'll make you smile
to have someone not bear the sight of you crying and do whatever it takes to make you stop
to have all those little things that actually mean so much


i want to know


p.s. is that too much to ask for :(

treat people the way you want to be treated

more like treat people a hundred times better than you want to be treated so that they can meet you halfway

and then you'd still probably walk the extra mile for them so it's still not really halfway after all

how hard do i have to try

trying
trying
trying

lumps in my throat either come out as a vicious stream of tears or a turbulent flow of words
the latter feels a lot better, i think

ex·pec·ta·tion

ˌekspekˈtāSH(ə)n/

noun

plural noun: expectations

1. a strong belief that something will happen or be the case in the future.

   "reality had not lived up to expectations"

   synonyms:

   supposition, assumption, presumption, conjecture, surmise, calculation, prediction, hope More

   • a belief that someone will or should achieve something.

     "students had high expectations for their future"

     synonyms:

     supposition, assumption, presumption, conjecture, surmise, calculation, prediction, hope "her expectations were unrealistic"

   • archaic

     one's prospects of inheritance.

     
     

     
     

     
     

     re·al·i·ty

     rēˈalədē/

     noun

     1. 1. 

        the world or the state of things as they actually exist, as opposed to an idealistic or notional idea of them.

        "he refuses to face reality"

        synonyms:

        the real world, real life, actuality; More
     2. 2. 

        the state or quality of having existence or substance.

        "youth, when death has no reality"

things my parents forgot to lecture me about

don't be the person who
- always asks to take pictures (this is to avoid being annoying to people who don't enjoy taking pictures with you)
- can't handle truth (painful more often than not, oh well suck it up)
- says too much (listening does not equate to caring)
- needs someone too much (self-explanatory, just never explicitly taught)

always bending over backwards
when others wouldn't even bend over forward

forgive & forget

When you're the type of person who'd drop everything if someone needed you
You forget that not everyone is like that