literally have no one lmao

be careful when someone starts telling you what they're going to do someday
they didn't say all of those things would be for you and not someone else

when there's a will, there's a way
and i suppose there's no way when there's no will

time's a curse
oh how things change

i guess i wouldn't want to spend the rest of my life with me, either

you know those days when your head can't even wrap around everything that's going on and you're trying your best but everything you do and say just somehow goes wrong and nobody really gets you and your intentions get misread and your jokes turn into arguments and words turn into daggers and you're kinda just too tired to defend yourself anymore and then everything you thought you could believe in starts clouding up with doubt and you feel like everything is slipping out of your hands and your hands just go numb and you just can't fix your grip

yeah
i know those days, too

cursed with my valuation of affirmative words

what
is
the
point

of
anything

i'm trying so hard
but i'm crashing so hard

hopeless
helpless

do you ever just feel so
idk

like literally you don't know
about anything anymore

see think n feel too much for my own good

Let me talk about my mom. I've been critically ill for the past 5 days now and I know it's taken a huge toll on my mom too. She wakes up with me every 4 hours throughout the night to help me get some food and take medicine. She gets up practically hourly to check on my temperature. She has to constantly cook and think of things I can actually consume because my appetite sucks right now. Nobody can love me quite like she does. It's unbelievable to me how this woman has gone through all that she has and still has this selflessness in her. She doesn't care so much about luxuries for herself but always tries to make sure I have all I need and that I'll be able to enjoy a luxurious life in the future. She essentially gives up an annual five-figure dollar amount to stay home and tend to me and my brother and make sure that we don't end up in the wrong crowd or go down the wrong path. I'm not gonna lie, during my (many) years of teenage angst, my parents came across to me as overprotective, oppressive, and impossible to satisfy. Looking back now, I should've appreciated their discipline rather than let it frustrate me, because I don't know if I'd be half the person I am today without it. My mom always tried to remind me that friendships are..fickle. And of course, family is forever. You can suddenly love someone you never thought you would, and you can also hate someone you never thought you would. Momma's always right. And it seriously took me all of high school to realize that people talk. A lot, the annoying ones. I don't think anybody can deny saying something bad about someone they claim to be close to. And people can congratulate you to your face but behind your back they could try to undermine your worthiness of an achievement and even wish it was them instead. I'm just trying to be real rn about people and what I observed in high school, cause honestly if I could've just accepted that people will be people, I would've given a lot less craps about what people thought of me and how I could maintain friendships that were clearly fake af. Would've spent more time learning to love myself than let stupid people convince me what not to love about myself. This got off topic and quite deep but family is all you got for certain for always and I have never been more grateful for mine #toomanymeds #drugsmakingmeemo

what does it feel like

to have someone make you their entire world and show that to their actual world
to have someone remind you they love you without you asking, without it being the routinely time of the day for saying it
to have someone just spontaneously do or say something nice because they know it'll make you smile
to have someone not bear the sight of you crying and do whatever it takes to make you stop
to have all those little things that actually mean so much


i want to know


p.s. is that too much to ask for :(