Oh hey, it's been a while.

/scrambled thoughts.

Well, I kicked UC's in the booty and I really couldn't be any happier about it. It's a bittersweet thing getting recognition for it though; I appreciate the shared joy but not sure I appreciate the attention so much. Hm.

Got rejected to Stanford, but I honestly do not feel anything about it. I'm pretty proud of myself for not investing my hopes in any one college too much. Because then I feel immense joy when I get in, and not much at all when I don't get in.

March 31 and April 1, final decisions. And then I have to make my final decision. I didn't realize how much there is to weigh. No such thing as an easy decision, huh?

I saw you again Thursday. I don't think I care at all anymore. But at the same time, I wanted to just show you that I'm having the time of my life without you. That I don't need you at all. I'm not sure if a part of me still misses you, but if I do at all, it's not in any romantic way. It's been almost a year now, and I have to say that my life is so much lighter without you. It's weird now, in retrospect, because I blamed you for the pain for so long that now all I can see is my own faults within it all. I can't imagine what I put you through, and I almost feel apologetic for it. I guess we'll both be much too prideful to ever fully come through with our claim of blame though, so I guess we'll live the rest of our lives trying to erase everything that ever was.

As for this other guy, errrr. I don't like where it's going. It's so difficult to push it aside; it's that much more real now after last Friday. Sigh. What to do.

I just noticed that I can only be wholly involved and truly interested (non-romantic ways, too) in one person's life at a time...
Of course this can be problematic. quite very.
I don't know how to keep up with everyone,
And this is why I can't keep anyone,

I think it's more of a curse than a blessing,