I ask you that jokingly,

but I almost want you to say

"No, no I don't hate you.

Actually, I love you.

Actually, I'm in love with you.

I'm still in love with you.

I always have been,

And I realize that now.

It's you. It's you, Lynda."

But no, no you don't hate me.

But you don't love me either.

It should be me. It should be me.

8:27 PM

Fate was a friend.

He brought me to you,
he opened my heart and let you in.
He unlocked parts of me I never knew existed,
he gave the key to you and I never saw it again.
He made me share with you
every secret, every smile, every tear,
I only wanted to experience life with you.
He gave me days with you, days that turned into weeks,
weeks into months. Now it's been years.
Somewhere in between, he took you from me.
I say, it's unfair for him to take back a gift.
But I'm sure he'd say, you were not a gift but a lesson.
He'd say that he brought me to you,
to teach me that love is just as cruel as it is kind
to teach me that gold is as degradable as it is valuable.
He brought me to you
to teach me not to trust him so much.

You made Fate an enemy.

I guess the cold got from my heart to my immune system. Ugh -- I just want to be able to breathe and taste again. We really do always take everything for granted.

So,

the one time a guy is truly attached to me, I don't really want him.
Man, this sucks. I always thought I wanted someone who could love me more than I love them.
But, it's not the same. I can't lack passion and be happy. It's something I refuse to engage in.

What's going on? Sigh, this + the dream = makes me wish we never started talking again.

That was a very odd dream.

Please don't fall for me... You are too good for me in every way. I just don't want any burdens. Please stop getting attached to me.

I could swear it's fate, but what is our fate?

I don't like the way you look at me and smile. It's misleading. It's as if I'm right for you - but I can't be.

Guilty joys.

Do you miss me yet?

Red and white forever, argonauts endeavor.

21-18 win over Brea Olinda to advance to CIF quarterfinals :-)

So proud of our school, always. Bleedin argo pride.

Great way to start off ma thanksgiving break

“The people who are meant to be in your life will always gravitate back towards you, no matter how far they wander.

In all honesty, I do not believe that all of this has been/is happening for no reason. There's a reason for everything. I'm just scared to figure it out.

First car. Or not.

I feel so, so guilty for feeling so disappointed. I know I should be grateful for what I have, I know I wasn't supposed to expect anything. I don't know why I'm crying, darn it.

College application sh.....enanigans.

Gotta finish revising & finalizing personal statements today. I have to. Then gonna give back to Cardoza to review on Thursday. Then maybe Mrs. Jue, Ms. Dinh, Mr. Nguyen, & Mrs. Laz during this week too. I don't think I'll have any peer review.

This Friday, Saturday, & Sunday - dedicating to finishing UC apps. Finalizing everything. Hoping to submit on Sunday evening, November 23. Yes, please. Please make this happen, Lynda.

Once you figure out who's actually worth trying to keep in your life.. it's pretty awesome.
JB, JC, AT, AC, TN, KB - latinerds - asbbyz - & I'm good. don't really need anybody else at all.

10/15/14

• SCRAM 2014!!! So eventful, I really wish I had the energy to write about it in detail. But I had an amazing time. Wish I could've gone years before. It was my first and last :-( 3rd place on HS-adv latin grammar yayyyy
• After scram, alex's mom took us to kula *___* sushi is seriously timeless. I can eat it any time of day, any day LOL. Never not craving. yum yum yum. Then 7 leaves & home. Alex's family makes me happy.
• Latin family makes me happy.
• Today made me really happy.
• I'm happy.