Sinking 

sinking

sinking...

I'm so lucky to have found such pure and promising love in spite of all the odds and obstacles 

I'd been spending the last eight months

thinking all love ever does is break and burn and end

but on a Wednesday in a cafe

I watched it begin again

15 days.

15 days, and I'll be off on my own.
The anticipation I feel is more excitement than fear.
I'll be brave, I'll be strong. And I'll finally be free.

+ LA is so beautiful and perfect for me. I'll never regret my decision.
Can't wait for all the growth & experiences in such a great environment.

It's a small world
I'll never be able to avoid all that I wish I could

"So how did it work... when you saw him, did you just know he was like..the one?"

Hadn't even crossed my mind, honestly
But I guess I just talk about you like you are the one
Even she saw it...

Can't and won't jinx it though

Why do I not feel relieved

It's a sad thought

Digging up the past always makes me feel a bit uneasy.

I only realized now that nobody has ever cared enough to even learn about my past that way. 

Even if it doesn't mean anything to me now, it undeniably reflects who I was at a certain point in time.

Not something to be proud of, but I guess I'm glad it's not something to have to hide either.

hungover on thoughts & feelings

All I know right now is that I'm hurting and crying and there is no source of comfort

I'm not cut out for this

I'm not strong enough for any of this

one last realization

I am still too selfish.
One step forward, two steps back.

deadweight

You made me feel like this sort of attachment was okay

And this is exactly what I feared

I thought that for once

it was okay

because it was reciprocated

I knew better

I knew that I'd only end up feeling this way

And yet I let it fall, blindly yet fully aware

This weight is all too familiar

Too familiar

I knew it would be

all while hoping for otherwise

I don't think I like what I've become

reflection & realizations

• I'll never be able to be that for you.
• I forgot what it's like not to have you, and that scares me.
• Routine and comfort inevitably grow into dependence, and that scares me.
• Trust. Trust scares me.
• I'm terrified.

Idttivhbidkhthi

Can't help but wonder if that's what's really wrong with me.

Can't help but hope that it's not.

Can't. Help.

When you have an amazing boyfriend, it's national girlfriend day everyday.