Cry.

"I'm gonna cry," I said to you jokingly - although there was a hint of sincerity in it;
that's really what I feel like doing. I just want to cry.
You actually looked over and leaned your head in to see if I was really going to cry,
now why did that even bring me the least bit of joy?

I need to stop. I just realized that you are everything that I need not have in my life,
that I need not get attached to... but now what have I done?

I'm such an idiot. Such an idiot