Gaps.

I have a gap that you cannot fill.
Nor do I expect you to.
Nor do I exactly want you to.

I don't want you to want me.

Isn't that a little funny?

I can't say I don't wish you'd want me,
but I can say I don't want you to want me.

I really do not mind, which makes it all the more difficult
I liked when you thought you found someone,
I like when you speak of chasing others,
I like just wishing that I was them,
but all the while, accepting that I wasn't.

I didn't think there was a difference between wish and want...
but I think I see it now.

I think we justify our wants more than our wishes.
People say they 'wish', when they know it's too irrational & intangible to say that they 'want'.

As for me, I am so much more complicated than a gap between potential & probability;
even when my thoughts are overpowered and I'm left powerless to my feelings,
a part of me always knows right from wrong, left from right.

I know that it's just not right,

& that is why I refuse to want you.
& that is why I can so genuinely say that I do not want you to close the gap.
& that is why I can silently watch you want someone else, and still just only wish for you. not want you.